Tim Yeo - The Weblog

formerly dedicated to the gentle stalking of one of our finest Conservative MPs

Monday, June 30, 2003

Tim Yeo backs 'same sex' couples

In response to government plans to award the same legal rights to 'same sex' couples as married couples, Tim Yeo, the forward-thinking champion of the oppressed, said:

"I welcome the recognition that people in committed relationships will now have the chance to clear up any doubts over areas such as their pension entitlements, inheritance issues and next of kin status. It is right that those people that have been victims of discrimination in the past will now have this opportunity.

"This does not detract in any way from the status of marriage, which evidence shows is still the preferred choice of many couples, and provides an excellent framework for couples bringing up children."

Obviously Tim believes - as many of us do - that the age-old institution of marriage will continue in popularity, but critics have warned that this trend could reverse in times of economic downturn, when money-saving aspects such as an immediate doubling of your wardrobe tempt more and more people to play for the home team.

Related link: The Homosexual Handshake. Like a milkshake, just not as much fun.

Tim Yeo tackles red tape

Hero of the people Tim Yeo is currently halfway through his battle to reduce the number of forms imposed upon small business by mindless jobsworths in central government.

Mr Yeo said: "If I can get the small business owner home an hour early on Friday by reducing the forms he has to fill in for government, then the effort will have been worthwhile."

Of course, being a Man Of The People, we’re sure what he meant to say was: "If I can get the small business owner down the pub an hour early on Friday..."

Letter looks back at Tim Yeo looking ahead

Our daily search for all things Yeo-ish returned the following letter of complaint to The Guardian, which reads in part:

"You see, back in January, Yeo penned an article for the Guardian. I then wrote to him at the email address given, politely querying some of his comments. Result? No reply, despite two reminders. Don't criticise Tony Blair, Mr Yeo, when you can't answer your own emails..."

We would dare to suggest that Tim Yeo never got back to this individual because the article in question is perfect in every way, and therefore unworthy of any form of criticism; constructive or otherwise.

Tim Yeo ignores interwebnet rabble

The following is a copy of an email sent from Tim Ireland (internet chest-beater) to Tim Yeo (real life hero) Wednesday last. It was, quite rightly, ignored. We salute Tim Yeo's bravery, and look forward to providing many years of valuable service here at the Tim Yeo Weblog.

Dear Mr Yeo,

Somehow I don’t think that this one small issue encapsulates everything you have done or are trying to do as an MP, but as far as 75% of web users who search for your name are concerned, it is presented as the primary issue.

In fact, it’s now presented ahead of your profile at Conservatives.com

Perhaps, then, the small threat of admitting that you actually made a mistake pales into insignificance in this case.

Let us hope so, because I’m about to show you my fluffier side and make a very kind offer. With a shelf-life of precisely 24 hours.

What I Need From You:

- Answer this email within 24 hours.
- Acknowledge that it was a bit cheeky of you to hijack an existing campaign and use it for your own ends.
- Apologise for same.
- Guarantee that you will seek no further publicity on this front and/or promise that you will acknowledge the contribution Bloggerheads has made should the issue come up again.

- Ask a question in parliament designed to nail down an actual delivery date on a viable service for Tony Blair (the two previous questions are on record, so how carefully you need to word this question should be obvious).

Many folks that watch Bloggerheads are almost as angry about this as I am, so they’re going to want to see a result. Because of this, I will need to blog your reply in part or total (so please keep this in mind when drafting it).

However, this strictly limited offer does negate the need for you to publish your apology at Conservatives.com and via a major newspaper. Also...

What I Offer In Return:

If we can settle this promptly to the satisfaction of my readers (and myself), it makes sense to simply draw a line under it from there and call it a day. So...

- The Tim Yeo - Campaign Hijacker page will be amended to display the true nature of this issue (i.e. as a simple, and corrected, misunderstanding).
- All nude images (and references to same) will be removed from this page.
- The Tim Yeo weblog will be shut down and removed entirely.

Why This Makes Sense:

I can stop. I can release my vice-like grip. Some form of spiked hammer is not necessary. I cannot, however, guarantee the same of anybody else who comes along and considers this situation to be well out of order. This means that you not only have to worry about escalation of activity from myself, but also from other users who may wish to use you as an IT punching-bag.

The longer this issue is out there and as prominent as this, the greater that risk is. God forbid that a journalist should decide to research your name sometime in the next few days.

I urge you to get in touch today and settle this.

There are more important things in life, and I’d like to get on with them.

I am sure that you feel the same.


Tim Ireland
(Please note that this email to you has been blogged in its entirety.)

Wednesday, June 25, 2003

Tim Yeo heads to the top!

Love has lifted us up where we belong!

The people have spoken and Google has listened, lifting our humble weblog to the heady heights of #4 for the search query 'tim yeo' (screenshot appears below).

This increases our determination tenfold.

We will sing the praises of this living Tory legend until hell freezes over. We will fight for the right of Tory might in his name until hair stops growing on the faces of filthy liberals! Through the next election, and beyond!


Tuesday, June 24, 2003

Tim Yeo D-Day typo fails to amuse

The East Anglian Daily Times is calling for the Government to rethink its plans to mark the 60th anniversary of the D-Day landings at Normandy with a few streamers and maybe a tea-tent.

Sadly, Tim Yeo's contribution to the debate includes a typo that is in no way amusing, but still manages to robs his sound-bite of all its charm.

The quote is repeated below, with typo highlighted:

Suffolk South Conservative MP Tim Yeo said: "For quite a number of veterans, this is their last big anniversary realistically.

"I think it would be entirely appropriate there should be pretty substantial recognition of that. The 50 year anniversary was a big event bit I think it's right that they should be calling for it."

What a shame. That clipping would have looked jolly nice in the scrapbook, too…

I urge you all to get in touch with The East Anglian Daily Times and insist that they correct the error on their website post-haste. And reprint the corrected article. With a photo of Tim Yeo on the front page by way of apology.

Tim Yeo Googlebomb Shock!

This an outrage! Searching for 'Tim Yeo' in AOL, Google and Yahoo now brings up prominent listings for the nude gallery, and a blog entry for Labour MP Tom Watson (screengrab from Yahoo appears below).

And where does this loving, dedicated and ever-so-fluffy blog rate? 9th!

Mind you, we are the top search result for 'Tim Yeo' backwards, and that's got to count for something...

Monday, June 23, 2003

Tom Yeo earns a 1/4-inch in the Financial Times

FT has been investigating regional aid grants and their failure to deliver on the jobs they promise.

Tim’s (edited) quote goes as follows:
"It is an unacceptably high failure rate ... using taxpayers' money to create jobs which otherwise would not have been created is very hazardous."

Of course, if Tim had a weblog we’d all be able to read the full quote and some more detailed thoughts... but no matter. He has us.

Using a combination of psychic powers, educated guesswork and plagiarism, we have determined that the full quote provided to the Financial Times went as follows:
"It is an unacceptably high failure rate, but we as a government are sure to have been involved in even greater failures in the past, purple monkey dishwasher. Using taxpayers' money to create jobs which otherwise would not have been created is very hazardous. The Conservatives’ plans for a job creation scheme are entirely different, and will focus on what employers say they want from new recruits, with the priority on having the right attitude, getting to work on time, being presentable and reliable, and having a jolly sensible haircut."

Friday, June 20, 2003

Oey Mit

'Oey Mit' is what you get when you spell 'Tim Yeo' backwards. Incredibly, there are 2,560 results when you search for 'oey mit' in Google. We'd like to see more. In fact, we'd like you to use the words 'oey mit' in everyday language if possible. You could use this phrase to:

Hail a taxi driver: "Oey! Mit!"
Heckle football players taking penalties: "Oeymit! Oey said Oeymit!"
Slip it in when people aren't paying attention: "I oey-mit that I made a mistake."

All other suggestions for this new and useful phrase are welcomed.

Tim Yeo and the one word we long to hear...

Much has been made of Tim Yeo's failure to answer his email and/or apologise for hijacking the Tony Blair email campaign, but the answer behind this mysterious behaviour may very well lie in a statement the great man made at the beginning of this year:

Tim Yeo: Tories Must Stop Saying 'Sorry' (BBC, 2 Jan 2003)

We love you, Tim, we really do - but would saying ‘sorry’ just once more really kill you? We want the world to read about what a great guy you are and how hard you work for us, not about how you once ripped off some other guy's campaign.

Go on; swallow your pride.

“Just because Jesus never apologised to anyone doesn't mean that we should not.”

Ed note - can we please have a show of hands in the comments box? Who among you would sing the praises of this great man for taking this brave step?

Hypocrisy! Hyprocisy!

Some people have noted when linking to this weblog that Tim Yeo is best-known for being sacked close to a decade ago after having an extra-marital affair. That he was sacked by John Major, who himself spent four naughty years dipping his soldier into Edwina Currie, is the very height of hypocrisy. As such, we find his treatment on this front to be extremely unfair, and we will hear no more talk on the matter.

Tim Yeo campaign hijacked!

This shoddy 'news' page is obviously designed to try and lure people searching for Tony Blair's email into the Special Reserve Discount Network (pay special attention to the Page Title and Keywords META Tag).

For shame, Special Reserve Discount Network, for shame!

(Thank you to Martyn T for the heads-up on this one.)

Tim Yeo says 'Yes' to cheap drugs for all!

Tim Yeo spoke out in parliament on Wednesday, backing Tory claims that proposals to increase competition among pharmacies would hit the vulnerable.

Hotmail strikes!

Tim Yeo's rthontonyblairmp@hotmail.com account has been terminated!

Oh, the injustice! How dare these worthless cyber bores interfere with the work of their betters?

Thursday, June 19, 2003

Seeking Tim Yeo fans!

We would like to hear from anybody who has something nice to say about Tim Yeo.

Is he your MP? Has he brought forward an initiative that has changed your life for the better? Has he come over to your house and not eaten the eyeballs of your children?

If so, then we wish to hear from you. Please feel free to use the comments function, or get in touch with us via timyeoweblog AT bloggerheads DOT com

Tim Yeo: Googlewatch

We have taken a screen capture of the following search result in Google and present it here in the interests of posterity. As you would expect, these results correspond more or less with current returns for similar searches in AOL and Yahoo, but the nature of these results is sure to change as more and more people from the online community take an interest in the daily doings of this giant among men.

Tim Yeo Nudity

A special page has gone live over at Bloggerheads, acknowledging the fine contribution Tim Yeo has made to the Tony Blair email campaign.

We welcome all comments, and suggestions for the growing nude gallery.

Tim Yeo loves freelancers!

Mark Prisk, the shadow financial secretary, is planning a meeting with Tim Yeo (and some lesser mortal by the name of Michael Howard) to discuss how the party can get a better deal for freelancers.

“Freelancers feel they are treated like second class citizens,” said Prisk. “I want to make sure that the Conservative Party, when it puts its manifesto together sets out a fair deal.”

As a freelancer of some years, I welcome this brave initiative. We do get treated like second-class citizens at times. In fact, occasionally, we get ignored completely.

First post

Welcome to Tim Yeo - The Weblog.

Here we plan to give one of the greatest Conservative MPs of our time the attention he so richly deserves. We look forward to sharing the work, life and loves of this living legend with you on a regular basis.